I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
