I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
