It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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