you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
