Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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