You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize