Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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