Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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