Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
