are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
