people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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