plz talk dirty to me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
