i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
