The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to sanitize my soul.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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