i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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