I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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