do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
