Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
