i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
