haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
