She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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