just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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