Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
