I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
