I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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