I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize