the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
