I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
