Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
