After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
