his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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