Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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