Jerry, you need to find god
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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