I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
