my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
