He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
