my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
