She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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