Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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