If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
