I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
