I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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