You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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