Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
