I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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