Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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