Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
