she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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