is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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