Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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