That's intense
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
