Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
