the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
