What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
