At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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