I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
