I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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