SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
