Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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