U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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