you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
