you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
