Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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