she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
