I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
