I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
