Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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