I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
