she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
