No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The air taste purple.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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