you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
