is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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