I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize