i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
