You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Boobs are out for the taking
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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