so that wasnt chicken after all
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
