atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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