I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to make out with him forever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
