he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
