if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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