its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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