I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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