Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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