the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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