I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize