he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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