i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My feet surprised me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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