I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
