I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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