new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize