A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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