I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
