She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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