I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
