Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
