arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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