Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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