if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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