Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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