i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
