Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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