That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
