i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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