So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
