he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
