Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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