is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
