clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
