This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
