Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
