Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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