okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize